Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
