Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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