Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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