Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
