There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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