Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The power of my boobs compel you
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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