i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
