Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
