Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
