I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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