Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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