my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
