I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
