He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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