this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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