And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
