You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We need to rekindle our bromance
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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