dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
did you just send me my own nude
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
