I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
