i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i drank out of a bidet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
