My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
