I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
