His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
