Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
