the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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