I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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