so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
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This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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