i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
