Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
