WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
