just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
