Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
