corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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