hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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