I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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