Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it because I queefed?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
