Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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