And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
