i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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