After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
