At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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