At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
