dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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