We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
