Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You smell like stripper and shame
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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