do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
