WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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