im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize