you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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