i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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