If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
