I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
