He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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