Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
