his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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