3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
no, he came in my armpit
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
only you would photoshop your dick
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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