i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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