Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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