Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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