I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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