Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
