After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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