you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
