i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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