Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
