My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
