i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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