Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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