community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
