I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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