The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
