she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
