Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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