just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
