Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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