how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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