I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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