This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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