I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
